I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
