Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
