Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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