Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
