Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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