I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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