allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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