I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
