I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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