our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I was not drunk enough for that final.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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