puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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