I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
