there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
