Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
