Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
