Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
