thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
