Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
