Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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