it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
