In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
