3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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