Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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