Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
