I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
