So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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