I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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