Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
