Kiss
Puke
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
