i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
