It's like God shit irony all over that family
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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