the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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