new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
