You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
