I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
