is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize