Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
