The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
