he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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