What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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