I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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