i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
