wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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