My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
