I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
