just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
