We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize