I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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