Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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