ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
