Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
