so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
