he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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