During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
