I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my liver is dry heaving
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
