you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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