I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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