I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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