Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
