this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
