What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
