I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
