I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
