My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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