Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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