I'm drive I can fine osifer
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
