It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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