Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
