just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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