On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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