my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
