he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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